On this site you will find a story, which includes searching for God, getting caught up in a lot of drugs and filling a mind, heart and ears with rock n’ roll. This is a testament to a life, being raised by agnostic, anti-institutional baby boomers who loved their kid like crazy. The kid was searching for meaning in the lyrics of Led Zeppelin and the Beatles, as well as psychedelic mystical experiences. In the end, he was found by God as he found Him, and things began to shift dramatically. All the posts you will find here make up, in chronological order, an entire work with the name “God, Drugs and Rock n’ Roll”.
Don’t be surprised if the following posts disturb you, or make you think. Don’t be surprised if some of the posts seem to make drugs fun, and don’t be surprised if some of the posts make drugs seem like living through hell itself. The fact is, drugs are truly an alluring force that mystify and bewitch many people every day. There is a reason why people get hooked on them and ascribe them so much value. Despair is often clothed in shimmering packaging. Evil often appears to be good, or even beneficial to the consumer of it. The greatest deceivers may seem like the greatest friends at first, for even a while.
There are many people who are currently using drugs in some form. Some come out of addiction. The story in each is always the same in one sense. They all believe the substances that they’re currently consuming are helping them somehow. Ones that are doing harder narcotics usually have an intense love/hate relationship with their substance of addiction, and feel they need to do it just to function or exist, or not go through withdrawal or get dope-sick. Some of them actually believe that what they’re consuming is giving them a powerful spirituality, or bringing them closer to God, depending on what their disposition is. This is a temporary fabrication that the addict experiences in the early days of consuming any drug, and later on they find themselves in some sort of wasteland wondering what train suddenly smashed them, when the slow deterioration was happening all along, however subtle or severe.
This work describes that journey honestly. Some days seem like a blast, and some days seem like torture, as all of life contains both good and bad times. Maybe the most deceiving thing about drugs is that they magnify both… so the lows are lower, and the highs are higher (obviously).
These posts in no way are meant to glorify the use of drugs, but rather to compel people who identify personally with this story to consider their life, and what it’s really, truly worth. This can’t be done by sitting on a didactic pedestal with a condemning finger pointed outward, but rather to tell the story as it is lived. I hope it speaks to you somehow, or helps you to understand someone you know more deeply.
This entire work is dedicated to Pat Holt, whose friendship inspires me to love music, creativity, risk and life. He’s also the one who inspired me to write this, and to grow a sweet beard, which I haven’t shaved off completely since November, 2010.